Está Panzona!! (Ay, Dios Mío!)

So it seems that while giving countless charlas about avoiding early pregnancies, I forgot to take my own advice. Bahahaha I just realized what kind of reaction that probably got out of my poor unsuspecting family!

Noooo I'm not pregnant!! But I think the extremely young cat that's taken to living in my house is. I knew I should've taken time out of my busy schedule to look for, buy, and administer the birth control injection they give to animals here, but it was just one of those “it can wait until tomorrow” errands; plus she's not technically my cat!  There I was, assuming I was in the clear because she's nowhere near fully grown yet, and much to my dismay, she went into heat.  She and my beloved departed Nico enjoyed every minute of what became the worst night of my existence. Take any knowledge you have of cats in heat, and imagine how horribly those screams and cries echo in a house with a zinc roof. Then imagine yourself kicking them out of the house and realizing that the next best place was apparently on top of that zinc roof.  Needless to say, I didn't sleep a wink, and I'm pretty sure no one on my block did either. (Sad aside: For those of you who didn't find out from my Facebook, my cat, Nico, died a few weeks ago from eating food that my neighbors left out with rat poison in it. It was devastating. ='( May he rest in peace. The girl cat is technically my neighbor's, but may as well be mine, considering she spends 23 hours a day in my house.)

So here we are a little over a month later, and it seems that the only part of her tiny little body that's growing is her belly. Looks like I might have a pregnancy, bloody birth, and a litter of runts to deal with in the coming months. My horrified friends have all suggested “losing” her for a little while until she has them and finds her way home...but I feel like I'd be the equivalent of a mother kicking her pregnant teenager to the curb if I did that. Ahhh open to any and all suggestions/advice/etc considering I know absolutely nothing about caring for pregnant cats or preparing for kittens!! (Let's all cross our fingers and hope she's just getting fat!)

I guess while I'm writing, I'll give some other quick updates...

Summer vacation is unfortunately coming to a close. It's been a great two months though, first with a trip out to the Island of Ometepe with my closest Nicaraguan friends...then a trip HOME to see my family and amazing friends...then some day trips to the beaches here in my department...visits from other volunteer friends and their friends/family from the States...Mid-Service Training with Peace Corps...and there's still a little more to go!

From February 3^rd – 6^th, I'll be working as a counselor at a Leadership Camp that Peace Corps is sponsoring. I'll be in charge of 10 of the 95 high school kids from all over the country, and I can't wait to see how it all pans out. We have some great charlas about self-esteem, goal setting, being pro-active, serving your community etc, and we're even going to get some team-building rope courses in! To make things even better, we'll be up in the mountains of Northern Nicaragua and we've been told to pack sweatshirts, jackets and blankets!!!! (Expect a blog afterwards!)

School matriculation starts tomorrow, and classes start on February 13^th. I've scheduled meetings with my school directors and co-teachers this week to plan out schedules and to map out projects for the year. I've learned a lot from last year's trials and setbacks and plan to use them to make this year as productive and "exitoso" as possible. I'm hoping to kick off the school year with a teacher's workshop on routine setting and classroom preparation, since the first day of school is crucial in terms of laying out clear expectations and guidelines for a productive classroom environment.

Everything else is pretty normal here. Not too much to report, other than the fact that I'm really sad to see the end of my last “summer vacation” here in Nicaragua. It's been absolutely amazing!!

PS HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOOMS!!

One Year in Service!

(Written November 26th, 2011)

Well it's official...I've been living here in my Little Town of Bethlehem (that's what “Belén” means in Spanish) for a complete year!! I absolutely cannot believe that a year ago this week, I was nervously getting off the bus in the entrance to my new town, weighed down by suitcases, backpacks, and a hundred pounds of self-doubt and insecurity. I had finished my three months of training and still didn't feel as though I could communicate well in Spanish. I had lived immersed in Nicaraguan culture for 3 months, but being torn away from my training family meant that in that moment, I was a complete stranger, walking into a brand new town where no one recognized me and I was pretty much terrified.

I remember feeling light years outside of my comfort zone. Those first months were absolutely the most intimidating, challenging and stressful of my entire life. I've never felt more alone or more unsure of myself. The host parents I lived with did nothing to help me as far as introducing me to people in the community. They never slowed down their Spanish for me, never invited me into conversations – and I was left fending for myself in a home and a town that were completely foreign to me. (I have to note that their relative coldness is the complete opposite of what I've experienced with almost everyone else I've met here...) My insecurities found me sneaking off to the cyber probably much too frequently just so I could talk to my family and friends – so that I could remember that I did have connections to someone in this world. Since no one walked around with me to introduce me to people, it was up to me to make a good impression on all the people that were sizing me up in the street. I had to find my way around town and literally force myself to use my embarrassingly pitiful Spanish to talk to people. I felt like I would never be comfortable here...like I would always be an outsider.

Gracias a Dios, I found angels in the form of teachers and friends that I got to know, and they took me under their wings. They introduced me to their families, and with time I started seeing familiar faces on the street. I concentrated my energy on starting up a youth group which quickly turned into community English classes. Once the school year started and I moved out of my host house, everything got easier. I found my niche and started to feel a little more “at home.” Teaching in four schools supplied me with instant acquaintances. Of course it was easy to get the students to love me, but learning all the names of all the teachers, remembering who taught where, and trying to fit in among all the teacher cliques was another challenge. I still can't say that I fit into any of their little recess circles, but I've always been a floater, so that doesn't discourage me much. Giving a few teacher trainings helped me to feel as though I was contributing, and at the same time helped me gain some respect professionally.

Living alone meant I could start coming and going as I pleased. I didn't have to worry about being locked out of my host house, or about reporting to anyone when and where I was going. My students almost immediately began to visit me at home. My new neighbors blessed me with visits, tables, chairs, food, and most importantly a general feeling of welcome. After 3 torturous months, I finally felt like there were people that wanted me here, people that would miss me if I left.

My community English classes started to attract new faces and three of the students that are my age quickly became my closest friends here. They've completely adopted me into their families and groups of friends and thanks to them, I can honestly say that I feel completely comfortable and genuinely happy here.

When I pictured my life in Peace Corps, I had high hopes of connecting to the people I'd be living among, but I had trouble imagining those relationships. I figured I'd connect to my students and my teachers and that I'd maybe find some neighbors to visit from time to time. I never ever imagined I'd find friends like the ones I have now. I can't even try to count the number of times we've all had tears in our eyes from laughing so hard. We have dance parties in my house, go to the beach, spend hours at a time just chilling in my house with nothing but music and conversation to pass the time. Oh and those conversations? Thanks to them, I've reached the point where I can converse completely comfortably with anyone I meet. I give most of the credit to Carlos, my best friend. Since he has such an interest in learning English, he understands how important it is to me to speak fluently in Spanish. Thanks to his patient explanations and his willingness to constantly correct me, I'm pretty sure I would test into one of the upper “advanced” levels of Spanish now!

Looking back on this past year, I see that it started out a little rocky, but I would absolutely do it all again if it meant that I'd end up where I am now. I have found true friendship, unexpected family ties, students that seem to really need me, and a brand new town where I sincerely feel at home. I've learned so much from the people of Belen. In a town where the grand majority live in extreme poverty, I have found by far the most generous and selfless people. Their faith in God is absolutely an essential part of their daily lives and it gets them through the hardest of times while encouraging them to always share and do what they can for their friends and neighbors.

That being said, in terms of personal growth, I can say that I've absolutely gained more than I could have ever imagined from my experiences here. But what have I done for my community in this past year? Sure I've taught lots of great science lessons and have observed measured “mastery” of certain topics among some of my most struggling students...I've led some teacher trainings and have attempted to co-teach with seven teachers all year, so that we could interchange teaching strategies and lesson ideas...I've begun and maintained four leveled community English classes in which my students are gaining confidence and are actually starting to hold conversations in their newly obtained idioma...I've worked on some gardens, planted some trees, and started some organic composting.....But all of those things seem so small when one is looking for measured successes on a Peace Corps work report, or a year end blog reflection. I haven't built any schools out of plastic bottles, nor have I organized a community bank in my town. I haven't done anything big enough to gain me community recognition as someone they'd be lost without, but I guess being a hero isn't what Peace Corps is all about. It seems to me that being humble enough to realize that life here will go on with or without me is an important part of my service here. Sustained community development is complicated work, and I'm reminded of the Peace Corps guiding principle that I quoted in my very first blog from Nicaragua - “Go to the people. Live with them. Learn from them. Love them. Start with what they know. Build with what they have. But with the best leaders, when the work is done, the task accomplished, the people will say 'We have done this ourselves.'” -Lao Tzu .

At the very least, what I have accomplished this year is that I've become a fully integrated member of my community; I've formed real ties with my new friends and neighbors, and with my new found love for my little corner of Southern Nicaragua, I plan to dedicate my second year to doing all I can to bring about positive changes, no matter how small they might be.

Headed Home from Home

Welp, after 12 days back in NY, here I am in the airport again, heading home from home. It's a weird thought, but I like it.

Being home for Christmas in NY after spending just about 16 months in Nicaragua didn't feel nearly as strange or foreign as I thought it might. Everyone always talks about reverse culture shock, so I had prepared myself for that feeling of being an outsider in my own country, but as I walked off my plane and saw my mom and family (thanks for the surprise pick-up Kim, Christie and Livi!) waiting for me in the airport, I knew I didn't have to worry about that.

These past few days have been a complete whirlwind of visits, holidays, and errands but even though I didn't have endless hours to spend with each of the people I've missed so much, the little time I spent with them showed me that no matter the time and distance between us, I can always come home to my amazing family and awesome friends like no time has passed at all. I felt like I hadn't even left!

Sure, some things have changed...marriages...breakups...new relationships...graduations...apartment changes...new jobs. I had to be introduced to dubstep and learned how to “Just Dance” on Wii. No one seems to be able to survive half an hour without internet access at their fingertips on their fancy touch screen phones...something that I've become so adjusted to living without. And there are seriously 3D TVs now?!? What?!? Other than little things like that though, nothing had really changed. I remember being really worried about that before heading out for Peace Corps. I was sure that everything would change during my two years away and that I'd come home and step into a brand new world where people had just moved on without me. Sure people's lives have gone on without me, but we've also kept in touch and I've found that the ties of family and real friendship can't be broken just by a few months apart.

I guess I've changed a lot too. Being home, I found myself questioning the need for giant houses with more rooms than people. I feel a little nauseous when I see the size of stores like Walmart and Target and wonder what happens to allllllll that stuff in the mall that could never be worn or used before the trends change again. I find the rampant consumerism both disheartening and disappointing. If people knew how much good they could do with just the money that they spend at Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks every month, maybe they'd think twice about their habits and just how much stuff they really need to have. Not to mention the environmental effects that come from such a subconscious dependency on drive-thru s and addictions to (fill in the blank with some mindless new “must-have”)s. I guess it's just that I've truly come to love the simpler life I live in Nicaragua. Waste is just not a part of daily life there, and I guess that's why it was so disgustingly noticeable for me back in the States. People in Belen live full and happy lives without their days being polluted by addictions to technology and information. Free time is spent talking with neighbors or visiting friends as opposed to sitting in front of a Facebook screen for hours or watching reality TV all day. People value hard work, yet they do not let it take over their lives. To quote a fellow Nica volunteer, “Time is different for them. Time isn't money. It's free and it's something they can give.” That seems to sum up perfectly one of the most noticeable differences between New York life and Nicaraguan life.

I found that even while enjoying the time I got to spend with my family and friends, so much of me wanted to cling to my Nicaraguan self. My friends from Belen were amazing and called me pretty much daily. As I was leaving Managua airport, I resented the fact that the flight attendant was speaking in English. Weren't we flying out of Central America? I used Spanish all the way home. Then for the rest of the week, I continued to jump at any opportunity to use it, which was pretty often since I live in New York. I realized immediately how useful my Spanish will be to me when I get back for good.

Well here's to an amazing few days at home, surrounded by the people I love most. It was beyond amazing getting to catch up, laugh about old inside jokes, share stories from the past year, and just soak up each others' presence.

Now that I'm just about back “home” in my little corner of Nicaragua, I plan to focus on making my second year even more productive and awesome than my first! I hope time doesn't fly too quickly, as I'm sure leaving here will be way harder than anything I've ever had to do in my life. Goals for my 2012 here in Nicaragua?

*Give all I can to the people in my town...both professionally and personally.

*Treasure every single day and live in the moment...remember that we only get one chance to live each day to the fullest.

one year in service blog to come...it's on my external hard drive and i unfortunately don't have that with me at the moment.