To be truly selfless...

Tonight while talking to Doña Lidia about life as always, she asked me how everything was with my family at home. I told her everything was great and mentioned that I had just spoken to my mom about putting the house on the market. It should have occurred to me that to mention selling a house would lead to shock and awe, but because we have so much “confianza,” I didn't think before I mentioned it.

*Aside* Confianza is a beautiful idea. It's more than confidence and trust; it really means a level of mutual comfort between two people that allows both parties to feel at home in each other's presence, and to be themselves. Building confianza is a process and is something that's taken very seriously here.

The thought that someone would want to sell a house is beyond comprehension for most people in my town. Here, family life revolves around “la casa.” People here can spend their entire lives living in the same house. It's very common to see three or more generations living together. My students live with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, and of course parents and siblings. It's rare to see a house occupied by less than two “nuclear families.” Here, often times people get married and continue living in the house that one of them grew up in. Grandparents or aunts and uncles help raise the children and take care of things in the house while parents work 12 hour days for 4 days straight in Zona Franca (a sweat shop that employs half my town and ships it's clothing products to the US where they are sold at prices that people here could never imagine spending on clothes...) People all over the world work their entire lives to have a home to call their own, but once that is accomplished here, that house will remain in the family for generations.

This, of course, is partially due to necessity – families just don't have enough money to live spread out in ten different houses. Deeper than that though is the fact that life here is based completely around the idea of family and community. In “los estados unidos” (the good ol' USA) on the other hand, life is based on individuality. Disagree if you want, but after living a few months in a country where everyone takes care of each other, it's impossible not to notice the difference. Doña Lidia's immediate reaction for example, when I said that my mom was selling the house because it's too big now that we've all moved out and on with our lives, was to assume that she (my mom) would be moving back in with her mom! This of course is not the case. The idea that a middle-aged couple (sorry guys teehee) would move in with a parent is absolutely unheard of in the States. Trying to explain the absurdity of that suggestion was difficult though, because here, it's absurd to think that one wouldn't want to live with their extended family. Clearly living together is cheaper in every sense – from groceries, to laundry, utilities, transportation, appliances, furniture...the list goes on and on. Not to mention that living together means splitting the household chores and living in constant “alegria” (happiness) due to the fact that your support system, entertainment, psychologist, babysitter, nurse, gardener, comedian etc. all live right there with you.

Our conversation really made me reflect on the countless differences between life here and life at home. Here, people live "regalando" (gifting) fruits, vegetables, plates of leftovers, chotchkies, animals, and daily necessities to their neighbors. It's not something that requires thanks or payback, it's just what's done. When people have more of anything than they absolutely need in that moment, they give to someone else who needs. It's beautiful. The notion of “saving for a rainy day,” or hording because tomorrow might be a little harder does not exist here. You'd think that in a country where poverty is so rampant, that people would think twice before giving away anything of value – nutritional, monetary, or otherwise – but that's just not the case. Like Don Dolores says, “when God rains his blessings on us, we have to bless others because there's always someone who needs it more than we do. We might not be rich, but we have more than enough to share.” That idea, so pure and seemingly simple, is just not common in the States where everyone is so focused on competition, personal gain, and personal improvement that true selflessness just doesn't exist.

I visited the house of my best friend here the other day and was immediately invited to lunch by his mother. I was given the biggest portion of food, the best chair in the house, a fresh homemade fresco, and was gifted a bag full of veggies before I left. This family is living in a house that's being “lent” to them by a friend because they can't afford a house of their own – and yet they didn't even consider thinking twice before giving me half of their veggies, which are expensive here. Since then, Doña Ana (my closest friend, Carlos's, mom) has sent me two cooked dinners and invited me back for lunch. Be careful how you read that though; I was given these things out of pure kindness – not a single part of this was done to impress me or to make it seem as though they have more than they do. Doña Ana just sees a young girl living alone, which to her, naturally means that she has to take care of me as she would her own family. The generosity and hospitality I've experienced here is like nothing I've ever witnessed before, and I have some pretty hospitable friends and family back in the States.

I hope that one day I'll be half as selfless as the people I've come to know here. I want to give without worrying that people will begin to expect freebies as a result of it, without judging who is or is not worthy of receiving, and without expecting gratitude in return. I want to think first about the comfort and wellbeing of others, and then about myself.

I still have a lot to learn about the person I want to be, and I can't think of anyone better to learn from that the friends and “family” I'm surrounded by here. I'm taught in different ways each day to be humble, to lend a hand, to give wholeheartedly, and to really care about the people I encounter each day – regardless of whether they're friends or strangers. The sense of community, mutual responsibility, and genuine kindness towards others reigns here, and it's definitely something I hope to take home and teach by example after my two years are up.