One Year in Service!

(Written November 26th, 2011)

Well it's official...I've been living here in my Little Town of Bethlehem (that's what “Belén” means in Spanish) for a complete year!! I absolutely cannot believe that a year ago this week, I was nervously getting off the bus in the entrance to my new town, weighed down by suitcases, backpacks, and a hundred pounds of self-doubt and insecurity. I had finished my three months of training and still didn't feel as though I could communicate well in Spanish. I had lived immersed in Nicaraguan culture for 3 months, but being torn away from my training family meant that in that moment, I was a complete stranger, walking into a brand new town where no one recognized me and I was pretty much terrified.

I remember feeling light years outside of my comfort zone. Those first months were absolutely the most intimidating, challenging and stressful of my entire life. I've never felt more alone or more unsure of myself. The host parents I lived with did nothing to help me as far as introducing me to people in the community. They never slowed down their Spanish for me, never invited me into conversations – and I was left fending for myself in a home and a town that were completely foreign to me. (I have to note that their relative coldness is the complete opposite of what I've experienced with almost everyone else I've met here...) My insecurities found me sneaking off to the cyber probably much too frequently just so I could talk to my family and friends – so that I could remember that I did have connections to someone in this world. Since no one walked around with me to introduce me to people, it was up to me to make a good impression on all the people that were sizing me up in the street. I had to find my way around town and literally force myself to use my embarrassingly pitiful Spanish to talk to people. I felt like I would never be comfortable here...like I would always be an outsider.

Gracias a Dios, I found angels in the form of teachers and friends that I got to know, and they took me under their wings. They introduced me to their families, and with time I started seeing familiar faces on the street. I concentrated my energy on starting up a youth group which quickly turned into community English classes. Once the school year started and I moved out of my host house, everything got easier. I found my niche and started to feel a little more “at home.” Teaching in four schools supplied me with instant acquaintances. Of course it was easy to get the students to love me, but learning all the names of all the teachers, remembering who taught where, and trying to fit in among all the teacher cliques was another challenge. I still can't say that I fit into any of their little recess circles, but I've always been a floater, so that doesn't discourage me much. Giving a few teacher trainings helped me to feel as though I was contributing, and at the same time helped me gain some respect professionally.

Living alone meant I could start coming and going as I pleased. I didn't have to worry about being locked out of my host house, or about reporting to anyone when and where I was going. My students almost immediately began to visit me at home. My new neighbors blessed me with visits, tables, chairs, food, and most importantly a general feeling of welcome. After 3 torturous months, I finally felt like there were people that wanted me here, people that would miss me if I left.

My community English classes started to attract new faces and three of the students that are my age quickly became my closest friends here. They've completely adopted me into their families and groups of friends and thanks to them, I can honestly say that I feel completely comfortable and genuinely happy here.

When I pictured my life in Peace Corps, I had high hopes of connecting to the people I'd be living among, but I had trouble imagining those relationships. I figured I'd connect to my students and my teachers and that I'd maybe find some neighbors to visit from time to time. I never ever imagined I'd find friends like the ones I have now. I can't even try to count the number of times we've all had tears in our eyes from laughing so hard. We have dance parties in my house, go to the beach, spend hours at a time just chilling in my house with nothing but music and conversation to pass the time. Oh and those conversations? Thanks to them, I've reached the point where I can converse completely comfortably with anyone I meet. I give most of the credit to Carlos, my best friend. Since he has such an interest in learning English, he understands how important it is to me to speak fluently in Spanish. Thanks to his patient explanations and his willingness to constantly correct me, I'm pretty sure I would test into one of the upper “advanced” levels of Spanish now!

Looking back on this past year, I see that it started out a little rocky, but I would absolutely do it all again if it meant that I'd end up where I am now. I have found true friendship, unexpected family ties, students that seem to really need me, and a brand new town where I sincerely feel at home. I've learned so much from the people of Belen. In a town where the grand majority live in extreme poverty, I have found by far the most generous and selfless people. Their faith in God is absolutely an essential part of their daily lives and it gets them through the hardest of times while encouraging them to always share and do what they can for their friends and neighbors.

That being said, in terms of personal growth, I can say that I've absolutely gained more than I could have ever imagined from my experiences here. But what have I done for my community in this past year? Sure I've taught lots of great science lessons and have observed measured “mastery” of certain topics among some of my most struggling students...I've led some teacher trainings and have attempted to co-teach with seven teachers all year, so that we could interchange teaching strategies and lesson ideas...I've begun and maintained four leveled community English classes in which my students are gaining confidence and are actually starting to hold conversations in their newly obtained idioma...I've worked on some gardens, planted some trees, and started some organic composting.....But all of those things seem so small when one is looking for measured successes on a Peace Corps work report, or a year end blog reflection. I haven't built any schools out of plastic bottles, nor have I organized a community bank in my town. I haven't done anything big enough to gain me community recognition as someone they'd be lost without, but I guess being a hero isn't what Peace Corps is all about. It seems to me that being humble enough to realize that life here will go on with or without me is an important part of my service here. Sustained community development is complicated work, and I'm reminded of the Peace Corps guiding principle that I quoted in my very first blog from Nicaragua - “Go to the people. Live with them. Learn from them. Love them. Start with what they know. Build with what they have. But with the best leaders, when the work is done, the task accomplished, the people will say 'We have done this ourselves.'” -Lao Tzu .

At the very least, what I have accomplished this year is that I've become a fully integrated member of my community; I've formed real ties with my new friends and neighbors, and with my new found love for my little corner of Southern Nicaragua, I plan to dedicate my second year to doing all I can to bring about positive changes, no matter how small they might be.